Reclaiming Your Confidence: Tips for Immigrants and AAPI Women

Jan 2

Let’s get real—confidence isn’t about being loud or dominating a room. It’s about owning who you are, even when the world tries to tell you otherwise. For immigrants and AAPI women, that journey to self-assuredness can feel incredibly layered. You might hear an inner critic whispering, “Who do you think you are to take up space?” Or maybe the idea of advocating for yourself brings a lump to your throat. Sound familiar?

Here’s the truth: Confidence isn’t something you’re missing—it’s something you already have. It’s been buried under years of cultural conditioning, fear of rocking the boat, or the desire to keep the peace. The good news? You can unearth it starting today.

The Three Pillars of Confidence: Practical Tools to Unlock Your Power

Say “No” Without the Guilt
It’s not selfish to prioritize yourself—it’s essential. Here’s an exercise:

Think of a small thing you want to say no to this week. Maybe it’s a coffee meeting you don’t want to attend or a task you’re tempted to overcommit to.
Write down two scripts: one for saying no directly (e.g., “I’m not available for that, but thank you for thinking of me”) and one with a boundary-friendly alternative (e.g., “I can’t take that on right now, but I could revisit it next month”).
Practice saying these scripts out loud until they feel natural.

Turn Down the Volume on Your Inner Critic
That nagging voice that tells you you’re not enough? It’s not the truth—it’s just fear in disguise. Here’s how to reframe it:

The next time the critic pipes up (e.g., “You’ll mess this up”), pause and name it. “Ah, that’s my inner critic trying to keep me safe.”
Counter it with evidence: “I’ve done hard things before. This is no different.”
End with a grounding affirmation: “I trust myself to navigate this, step by step.”

Speak Up Without Feeling Like You’re “Too Much”
Advocacy doesn’t mean conflict—it means clarity. Use the “I-You-We” formula:

I: Start with your experience. (“I feel overwhelmed when...”)
You: Acknowledge the other person’s perspective. (“I understand you want this project done quickly.”)
We: Offer a collaborative solution. (“What if we adjust the timeline to make it more manageable for both of us?”)
This approach is kind, clear, and rooted in connection.

Your Next Small, Brave Step

Pick one of these tools and try it this week. You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight; confidence grows in small, intentional moments. Maybe it’s as simple as setting a boundary with love or catching your inner critic in the act. Each small win builds a foundation for the bigger shifts you want.

Confidence isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. It’s about rewriting the script, owning your story, and showing up for yourself with the same compassion you offer everyone else. You’ve got this. And when it feels hard, remember: You’re not starting from scratch. You’re returning to the empowered version of you that’s been there all along.

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